I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
