I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
