He uses pillows to masturbate.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So squirting runs in the family.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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