I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
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I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
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I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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