Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
