I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
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lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
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I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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