What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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