I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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