Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
