her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
