I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
