They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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