So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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