Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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