is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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