I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
