I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
