If i come over, it means nothing
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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