as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Im part way to drunk.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
