I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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