I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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