either way he was missing a nipple.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
