he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
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You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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