NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
