How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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