I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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