I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
