I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You pole danced in your parka.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
