So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize
