it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
