she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
