I need to stop coming to work sober
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
