At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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