last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
