just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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