you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
