why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
