somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
