Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
