He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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