just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
