I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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