my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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