A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
