Taylor Swift is so right about you.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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