If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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