I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
