I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
