So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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