she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
