I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.