Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.