i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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