if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize