I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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