i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
