You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
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I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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