im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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