yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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