I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
