I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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