I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
