I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
