Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think people are normalizing furries
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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