Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
