nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
