This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
