I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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