Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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