Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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