So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
