I hate all girls vehemently.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
