hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
