Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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