Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
