I wish I could teleport
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
