well I can't set my house on fire every night
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
