Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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